So, how did I spend my Friday the 13th? I watched a Friday the 13th movie, of course! (I know, I’m so predictable.) The fifth entry, A New Beginning, was my choice for the evening. You might remember that I ranked this guilty pleasure as number ten in the series, but that doesn’t make it unwatchable … even though the acting is uneven enough to make you seasick, the story is bad, the dialogue is worse, the picture has the flat look of a TV movie, and a Jason impostor is committing all the murders.
Aside from the entertainment value, we can also learn useful people skills from bad horror movies. Like how to make your presence known. Pay close attention, folks—this is important. If it’s a dark and stormy night, you’re out in the middle of nowhere, and people have begun to disappear, don’t honk your horn when you get back to the house. Also, don’t call out as you enter, don’t jingle your keys, and make sure to close the door as softly as possible behind you. Then, walk around on tippy-toe, and climb the stairs without emitting so much as the faintest creak. (This can be tricky if you’re wearing boots like Melanie Kinnaman’s Pam, but she proves that it can be done!) When you finally come across someone, don’t say “Hello” or “There you are” or “Where’s everybody else?” In fact, don’t say a word. Instead, after having made sure that they haven’t seen you yet, slap your hand down on their shoulder. If you’re a counselor of some kind, at a halfway house for severely troubled teens, this approach is even more advisable. So there you have it. No need to thank me.
Note: Let me just point out that we don’t see Pam until she appears by Reggie’s side upstairs. Her silent progress through yard and house is purely out of my imagination. But that’s how it must have gone down, right, for her to suddenly be standing there?
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